Love Seeks to Understand

Proverbs 3:13

Blessed are those who find wisdom,
those who gain understanding.

Proverbs 4:7

The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom.
Though it cost all you have, get understanding.

You’ve probably had exchanges with your spouse where it seems like you are speaking two different languages.  No matter what you say, what they respond with doesn’t make any sense and doesn’t seem to even address the issue at hand.

The truth is that we do speak different languages at times.  5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman discusses how we speak different love languages.  You may be expressing your emotional needs while your spouse may be talking about how tired they are.  You want attention while they just want someone else to take the trash out for once.  It’s not that you don’t love each other, it’s that you have different needs and at a moment like this, neither is getting what they need.

Understanding is crucial in a relationship.  Without it, it will be like speaking two different languages.  The things we do, we do for a reason.  Sometimes we don’t know why we do what we do (hormones, bad mood, in a funk) but often we’re well aware that we didn’t take out the trash because we’re tired of always being expected to take out the trash or the laundry didn’t get done because you have 100 other things to do.

The key to understanding is communication.  Communication is a two way street.  It means that if you’re feeling stressed or upset about something, it’s most fair to your spouse to let them know about it and why.  On the other end, if it’s obvious that your spouse  is stressed or upset, you should ask about it.  You may have a solution to their problem, you might be able to help out, or they may just need to get some extra sleep.

It is difficult to understand our spouses without communication.  No matter how hard you study and analyze them you won’t know what’s really going on until they tell you.  Seek understanding whenever you can and go out of your way to help your spouse understand what you need.  It will strengthen your relationship and prevent those times when you are speaking two different languages.

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