Love Fights Fair

James 1:19-20

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

Matthew 7:3

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”

Proverbs 15:1

A gentle answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger.

One might think that true love doesn’t fight at all but that’s not the case.  Even people who deeply love one another are going to have disagreements.  The nature of the disagreements will vary from couple to couple but every couple will have arguments over things.  Some will argue over whether it is a good idea to spend their money on a boat while others will argue over the color to paint the kitchen.  While arguments that go unresolved can damage a relationship just the presence of arguments doesn’t necessarily mean that the relationship is bad.

When fighting does occur though, there are some rules that should be abided by in love.  In boxing punches “below the belt” are not allowed.  In other words, there are sensitive areas that aren’t fair to hit.  The same rule applies to relationships.  There are areas that are unfair to bring up in the middle of a fight.

We all have areas of sin in our life.  While we struggle to overcome these sins God forgives them.  And our spouses should as well.  Love keeps no records of wrong means that once something is forgiven it isn’t brought up again.  (This applies to past sins.  If a sin is ongoing it needs to be addressed and shouldn’t just be forgotten.)  This means that a momentarily lapse in judgment by your spouse isn’t fair to bring up in an argument.  It happened months or years ago, it was forgiven, and it’s not fair to bring it up in an argument again.

When fighting we should always work to reach a resolution, not escalate the problem.  A fight is brought about because you don’t see eye to eye with a person.  Ultimately you want the other person to see things your way and agree with you.  Calling each other names, bringing up past hurts, and throwing gas onto a fire so to speak are not going to bring about a resolution to your problem.

When a disagreement comes about, we should remember that it is okay to disagree.  After that we should seek a peaceful resolution to the disagreement.  If it is possible, both parties should reach a compromise.  Other times you’ll be forced to agree to disagree but no matter what you should aim for a resolution without causing further problems.

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